At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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