you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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