"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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