Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
