I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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