I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
