I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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