my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
