FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
