i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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