Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
