come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
