I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How does one acquire holy water?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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