CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
