Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
