I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You need Xanax blowdarts
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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