if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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