Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
