how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
