I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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