not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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