i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
