I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
