her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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