After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
