Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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