so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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