What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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