i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
