He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
