Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
