But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
