So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
