Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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