You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
