Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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