it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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