I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Less talking, more tequila
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
