You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
