Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
