Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
