this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
