The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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