There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
