if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
