I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
