Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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