All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
