girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
