apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
