I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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