He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
